DO NOT SPREAD THIS FURTHER, THIS IS QUALITY DRAMA WAITING TO EXPLODE.

I’ve had a hidden ‘troll’ account called Stabby Sally hiding in my computer’s vast filing system of drama. But recently I’ve been thinking, what could I do to raise the bar of internet dramatics (and lets face it, grassing some tard up to his gaffa isn’t exactly it).

So last week I woke up (as you do) and for some bizzare reason (probably being half asleep) I had a semi-dream/thought. I was in the One Stop down the road in full gothic drag buying a some fags and heckling the till girl with “I’m so totally not 16, you like shouldn’t be selling me these. What? You’re predijuced I’m a gothic” (I’m quite obviously 23).

And on my way in to work I developed this train of thought on what to do and how to do it. And that’s when the spark hit (well it was a bee actually and a fucking large one at that) I shall create in living form Stabby Sally (or Sally Jacobs as the non-gothy name be) an angsty goth girl from Milton Keynes with a fairly decent progressive/industrial goth look, mouth like a sailor and a dry burning wit that will smash all foes. I’m also looking to fill her with constant contradictions and a loathing of Milton Keynes.

Now that I got the base of this character I need to bring her to life. Obviously the internet side is easy, even a mong can smash words in to a keyboard and get a livejournal meme. Not so easy is the cam whoring, photo rating and eventual public appearences of Sally (youtubed of course!).

So this is where you lot come in, there are only a couple of girls on this filter and I need you help most. As a man I’m not quite up on the concept of ‘foundation’ and other make up things. I’ve got a clear image what I want to do but no technical know how. So if anybody has tips or would be willing to spend some time with me while I put on the lippy like a clown then by all means lets do it.

I’ve also managed to source myself some bazongas, although I’m torn between the D and DD. Advice plz heterosexual males as sizing isn’t exactly my expertise either. The other thing is finding gothy clothing, I’ve found a merkin site but unfortunately they only seem to do X-small on all the stuff I like, so anybody who lives near a decent high street if you see an independant shop with goth like attire let me know.

I know I could pull this off as a rubbish one off, but I’ve got such a clear vision of how to do this that I can’t really settle for ‘fat bloke in a dress’. I’d prefer if you kept this under your hat as it would ruin any gothy streetcred I can get before laying in to the blows of subtle humour and contradiction while making a mockery of a subculture for my own (and hopefully others) amusement.

And before I forget the website www.stabbysally.com has progressed slightly, so there be some legitimacy to my madness.

Listening to:

Vibe: NoMoodTag

LJ ItemID: 695502