They should call the RSPCA on me. Last night with no particular intent I not only managed to crack Harvey’s paw (in the way you and I can crack our knuckles

• as it didn’t hurt him thankfully!) but I also pissed on his head.

Yes, it appears I physically assaulted and humiliated the dog completely unintentionally.

The paw cracking incident was when he jumpped up on me, he missed slightly and rammed his paw in to my shoulder which is when I heard the popping sound. Thankfully it didn’t actually hurt him or he would have made it quite clear, I did however have to chase him around the house to make sure he was fine, which of course in itself is a sign that he was indeed fine, but no less I was rather concerned, where as he wasn’t and was in “ZOMG WERE PLAYING!!!1111” mode.

The golden shower incident was rather humourous at best. Harvey for some odd reason insists on entering the bathroom when I’m in there, when I’m taking a shower he’ll be in there watching like a crazed stalker, when I’m laying down pipe for the trans-europe gas pipe from Norway to Nuneaton he’ll be there. And when I go for a tinkle he’ll come in and stick his head down the bowl.

Usually I’m pretty good with keeping him out of the pan when I’m having a waz, but this time I didn’t notice his head pop through my legs and stick his head in the bowl. Annoyingly I had just let down the flood gates and he got it all over his head. Idiot.

So, of course, after him being wound up in playtime mode, I’ve got to coax him in to the shower to clean him off. Now normally I don’t mind chasing him around the house as he eventually gives up. But imagine my horror to the prospect of chasing a 5'10" (when standing) dog around the house as he sprays my urine all over the shop.

Thankfully, he had already gone in to the shower to lie down in it (as he does, see: bingobling.blogspot.com/2007/01/h…).

So that was my excitement for last night. And todays was the neighbours fucking calling the gas board as they appear to have a leak. Of course instead of knocking on my door to say “hey we think this fucking place is going to go up like a paper and petrol factory” they decided to leave me to it, until the gas man came around.

I think I might force open their gas meter box and cut their supply until Transco can be bothered to show up on Wednesday to have a look.

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