I’m registered with Experian’s Credit Expert monitoring service, it’s a useful tool to view your credit details. However, it’s a bit PSYCHOTIC.

Every month I get two or three texts declaring “ZOMG UR CRADET RAPEURT HAS CHANGED!!111” so I go on the web site expecting to see 8bn in credit cards taken out in my name, but no, it’s usually Three updating my account status with them adding yet another ‘0’ to my report (meaning paid on time).

I understand the general concept of this, but it defeats the purpose. I’m now ignoring these texts under the assumption it’s another notch for the good guys, when in fact, one day I might find myself with 200 baliffs questioning me about a Porche.

So Experian, if it’s good I don’t care, if it’s bad tell me about it. And stop following me you psycho bitch, I haven’t any futher bunnies for you to boil.

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