• 00:22 Ah, City life, the people are kicking off and the cops are showing up. I can't wait for the 1am drug deals to start! #
• 02:33 @mkuplens Er because they do. But with the exception of expensive chairs. #
• 11:55 @Daz71 He had a Jammy Dodger! You can't kill a man with a Jammy Dodger. It's a universal rule. #
• 12:01 @FagHagMom I just watched the video and read the comments. Not very christian comments from self proclaimed christians! #
• 12:48 What a pain tesco didn't have what i want so wow walking to asda #
• 13:27 I've just opened up TWO windows. HELLO SUMMER! #
• 13:41 @pifflevalve It's actually rather nice out (and doesn't smell of sick in my street). It's like the Cote d'Azur on Bristol Bridge. #
• 13:41 LAWL bit.ly/bA5nec - £900 on FarmVille. #
• 14:04 I just dropped my #Goodwill bought Elephant. No worries though, it only lost a few bits off it! #
• 14:06 twitpic.com/1gkbr1 - Look I got my elephant out unharmed! #
• 14:12 uh oh, I am so bad at this cooking thing. Just realised the beef is only HALF thawed. :( #
• 14:17 @oshiewan Trust me I have poisioned myself so many times I'm now immune. #
• 15:47 Oh wonderful. The schools are back this week and driving to work is now going to take double the time. Walk FFS! #
• 15:48 @Daz71 Subliminal advertising outside their advertising restrictions (for now). #
• 17:30 Does this qualify as a #FirstWorldProblem - bit.ly/9fREht ? #
• 17:56 twitpic.com/1glzv3 - It went very dark in my flat. That's one bad ass seagull! #
• 19:30 Two years of not using it my breakdown policy had two hits this month. Recovery and now engine noise. Bastard. #
• 20:53 I fucking hate cars. Car tax & MOT due and now I have to pay some fucker to open the engine. Report "Poss cam chain". FUCKSOCKS. #
• 21:02 Time for a drink (or an entire bottle of wine for all it fucking matters). #
• 21:58 is about to eat chicken like it just got invented. Screw you calorie controlled diet. #
• 21:59 @oshiewan once you drink enough of it then the fact it's vile won't really matter! #
• 22:00 Oh poor Danii Minogue, HOW WILL SHE LIVE WITH £300,000 LESS? #
• 23:00 @FagHagMom Same for any religion if it doesn't suit them then they ignore it! It's pathetic justifying hate with a book. #
• 23:45 Delicious. Please send some by special delivery! #
• 23:45 @mkuplens Er my last tweet yardor you! #
• 23:47 @mkuplens And "yardor" means "was for" when your bastard nokia touch screen doesn't recognise letters. #
• 23:50 RT @md1347: #OLTL Ho's vs Mo's #kish twitpic.com/1gkuoh #
• 23:53 @md1347 This photo is brillant for a number of reasons! #

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