This happened last night, told in the medium of text message.

[23:48, 24/03/2020] Kévin: I just had a hilarious moment
[23:49, 24/03/2020] Kévin: Getting out of bed for a pee, halfway down I managed to knock over a pint glass, thing rolls on the floor and smashes, I try not to step in the glass, which of course means I fall into it repeatedly, screaming
[23:50, 24/03/2020] Kévin: While all this is kicking off, I’m spraying an ungodly amount of blood from a small little cut all over my floor
[23:50, 24/03/2020] Kévin: I give up
[23:50, 24/03/2020] Kévin: I stand in the glass cos there ain’t anything else to stand in at this point
[23:51, 24/03/2020] Kévin: Grab the brush, bleed everywhere, try and get this shit sorted before Kaja comes flying into the kitchen, because she will of course, and there will be more blood and screaming
[23:52, 24/03/2020] Kévin: Meanwhile, the reason I came down is because I needed to pee, so here I am about to piss my self, covering the floor in more blood
[23:52, 24/03/2020] Kévin: Sweeping up
[23:53, 24/03/2020] Kévin: And my nose is running too, so blood everywhere, going to burst a seal at any moment, nose dripping in
[23:53, 24/03/2020] Kévin: Sweeping while of course stepping on more glass, bleeding more, making this problem a fucking horror show
[23:54, 24/03/2020] Kévin: Finally get all the pieces I can find, check my foot, and in the process nick myself on a ninja splinter in my food, now bleeding from my hand, considering to just piss myself and call it a night
[23:55, 24/03/2020] Kévin: Eventually, it’s all swept up, now I’m using wet wipes to clear a murder scene, still wishing I took the opportunity to wet myself, when I waddle to the toilet, do my business, figure OK we done now
[23:56, 24/03/2020] Kévin: To find Kaja blast through the windows cos now she’s having an argument with a fucking leaf and is rilled up by the fact she can smell blood, metaphorically and figuratively
[23:57, 24/03/2020] Kévin: I was à good 3 minutes away from being very asleep before all of this
[23:58, 24/03/2020] Kévin: Now, now I am going to stare at the ceiling while the angry one tries to kill whatever she thinks just exploded in the flat

FML

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Vibe: NoMoodTag

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